“Chuck, did you choose to become a pastor because it was an easy job?”

One of my best friends in college asked me this question, and she was completely serious. Her perspective on what ordained ministry entailed was built on a number of assumptions. The assumptions fuel the classic comments I’ve received, like, “must be nice to only work an hour a week.”

These beliefs affected the way people understood what happened during the pandemic. If you only work an hour each week, then being stuck at home must be a vacation, right? Except, it’s not an hour a week, just the sermon writing takes 12-15 hours, and there was more to come.

Recently, I came across a thread by Rev. Eric Atcheson. As I read each post, I thought, “He’s writing my story!” There are a few important differences, but he captures what many clergy felt, and certainly what I felt. Please take the time to read it in his own words.

I did not resign, but the idea rolled around in my thoughts a few times. Watching the way a major portion of the Church, not my church, but the whole Church, responded to the opportunity to care for people; to sacrifice for the well-being of others was beyond disappointing. I am still seeking God for clarity on how to minister to the world in the wake of the harm the church committed. Right now, I am taking one step of faith at a time, with my spirit focused on Christ.

This was the backdrop for all of the other things that would take place during this season: my wife’s cancer diagnosis and subsequent treatment, ongoing safety protocols because of the damage to her immune system, my own infection and the two minor surgeries that went with it, insurance issues, and ultimately, my depression.

This is what happened. This is what brought me to the place I am. What I tried to pass off as exhaustion and burnout was actually depression. I find great solace in my psychiatrist’s words, “ After all that, I’d be worried if you didn’t have depression.”

Friday, I will share more of the story, but now you have the background of how I got to where I am. I am not posting this for personal attention. Instead, I want to bring attention to the needs of many, to the challenge to the church, and to the solutions I am discovering along the way. I hope you will continue to share the journey with me.