Two years ago, I found a meme that accurately expressed my resolution for the new year.

It read, “This year I want to be more like Jesus:

• Hang out with sinners
• Upset religious people
• Tell stories that make people think
• Choose unpopular friends
• Be kind, loving, and merciful
• Take naps on boats

I do not regret my decision, but I was not fully prepared for what that decision would bring, as is often the case when we engage with the things of God. I have not made much headway toward napping on boats, but the others brought amazing changes to my life.

 

It turns out, hanging out with sinners, befriending unpopular people, and making people think upsets religious people by default. I am blessed with many non-Christian friends and during the pandemic, I made many more. I am beyond thankful for these people, these friends, for the relationships and the insights they share.

 

I discovered more pain than I wanted to know about, pain caused by the church and many Christians. You don’t need to look very far in our current culture to see the anger, cruelty, even hate that comes from Christians. Someone I know posted this on their social media account, “There is no HATE like Christian Love.”

I recoiled at that and in seconds had my defense ready. I wasn’t going to accept that attack, but then, I stopped. I asked myself why someone would say that, and then asked, “Can I listen to this person and hear them without my defenses?” What if they were right? That opened my heart and my mind. I didn’t like what I found.

I hope you will choose to withhold your offense and your judgement and listen to what the Spirit is saying to the Church. The Spirit is speaking through the wounded we left forgotten along the way, through those Jesus loved, but we didn’t, and through a new generation being wounded right now. Too many have made weapons of the faith and the scripture. Untold harm is being done in Jesus’ name. A vast number of people are being driven away from Jesus while the church feels righteous and justified. I will explore this more in future posts, and look at ways God can redeem, and resurrect, in our current circumstances.

 

It is no surprise people ask me why I am Christian. So, I want to relaunch this blog with my answer to that question.

 

I am Christian because I’ve experienced the love of Jesus for me and others. My response to that gift is my love for him. Once I met him, I couldn’t take another path. I was faced with the reality of his existence and the depth of his compassion. Jesus didn’t come to me with judgment, or rules, or condemnation. He found me in my darkest place and wrapped me in love. I truly received a new life.

Imagine being in the lowest place you can imagine. Surrounded by people, you knew you were alone. Your family loved you, but stopped taking pictures of you because they didn’t want to remember you that way. Every day, you lived as if you had a death wish, without purpose and without hope. Then, when you reached the end of yourself, someone came to you, wrapped you in their love, accepted you where you were, and wanted you, just because you were loved. That is my story. I believed I was unloveable, but Jesus showed me I was valued and adored.

Much of modern, American Christianity is obsessed with rules, with evil and sin, and with power. From the outside, it is not very attractive. Many people who grew up in the Church, now want nothing to do with the faith. They were deeply wounded by people who claim to be “little Christs,” and those wounds are not healed. Instead of meeting Jesus, they met rules and judgment. They were shown an angry God who focused on their every failure. They received a faith based upon fear.

I knew that faith at one time, but then Jesus showed me something different; he showed me who he really was. I no longer follow Christ because I’m afraid of punishment. Instead, I follow Jesus because I am captivated by him. I can be me, the real me, and still know his love. There is no one like him, and I discover more every day. This is why I avoid foolish debates. Honestly, even if the Bible was proven to be a hoax, it would not change my belief in Jesus because I know him, and he is amazing.

 

I am not a Christian because I am afraid, or because I like to “believe in fairytales.” No, I am a Christian because I know Jesus and I am known by him. There are many things I do not understand. I have many questions, but I cannot deny what I’ve experienced, and the experiences have never stopped.

 

That’s my why, my why I believe, and the why of my life.