“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” – James 1:19

Have you ever been in the midst of a conversation only to find yourself waiting for the other person to stop talking, in order to say what you are thinking? Have you realized that you don’t remember what the other person said because you were already processing your response? If so, don’t feel bad. You are not alone. Far too many of us get so caught up in our thoughts, and easily become sure that we have the most important point to make, that we fail to really hear what someone else is saying.

Just because we are not alone in this struggle does not mean that we should simply accept that things must remain this way. We have authority over our thoughts and actions. We may unconsciously choose to put our thoughts, ideas, and words first, but, if we become aware of that process, we can change it. It will not be easy, but it may be one of the more important things we do.

James reminds us we should be quick to listen and slow to speak. More than a reminder, it is a call to look at what is most important in our hearts and minds. If we are willing to embrace a new level of self-awareness, there are many blessings awaiting us on the other side of our decision. Being present in the moment, and truly listening to others, develops our character as we, “humbly consider others better than ourselves.” (Philippians 2:3), and enables us to learn something meaningful in the lives of those we converse with. Blocking that awareness, hinders our growth and our relationships.

While in college, a friend invited me to his church to hear a special speaker. We went for the evening meeting and the church was packed. I did not know of the speaker, but others clearly did. Everyone was excited he was willing to speak at their church, and I was expecting something amazing.

Early in the message, the speaker said, “Everywhere in the Bible, the image of the lion is used as a symbol of the enemy of our spiritual life.” Around me, people were nodding in affirmation and support. I, however, was tripping over his comment. My first thought was, “What about the, ‘Lion of the tribe of Judah,’” a reference to Jesus himself. I spent the remainder of the message stewing over that thought. I could not wait to get out of the service so that I could confront my friend with the foolishness of the speaker’s comment. Headstrong, and full of pride, I sat smugly through the rest of the service, impressed by myself and my insight.

Once we were in the car, I immediately pointed out the foolishness of the comment the speaker made. My friend sat silent. I had not considered the impact of my words in that moment, only my chance to be right. My dear friend looked at me and said, “Clearly, he made a mistake. Did you hear anything else he said?” The truth was… not a word. I judged him quickly, and became enmeshed in my own thoughts, missing everything else. I was busy preparing my words to say, missing the rest of what the speaker had to say, and, in the process, missing anything that God desired to say to me as well.

It was shortly after this experience that one of the people I deeply respect asked if I ever heard of the speaker. Before I could respond, he went on to tell me how powerfully his books impacted his life and ministry, and encouraged me to read them. When I finally got over myself, I purchased a book and began to read. The insights were deep and meaningful. I read more, and still have some of those books on my shelves. My “slow to listen, quick to speak” heart robbed me of something precious in that little church, and that attitude can steal from us all.

People matter. Whether they are well-known speakers, or the server at our table, they matter. Their thoughts, ideas, and dreams matter. Their insights and visions matter. Above all, as those created in the image of God, loved by God, and sought by God, they matter to God. When we are busy thinking about ourselves, what we know and what we can say, we are missing the opportunity to really hear, and see, someone else for who they are. We are missing the chance to give our attention to one of God’s beloved, and we are diminishing the opportunity to see God at work in them.

All of us have something to add to the larger conversation, but so do those around us. Real dialog requires we listen, digest, learn, and then speak. As James said, we need to be quick to listen, while holding our tongues. Our ideas and words can wait, because, if we are honest, we will not be fully heard, until we are willing to truly hear, and it may be that God’s word will be in someone else’s voice.

Today, maybe it is time to decide to humble ourselves, and listen… just listen. Just imagine what we could be missing when we are busy talking, or thinking about talking.