I’m anxious. There, I said it, the dreaded statement Christians are not supposed to say. I can already hear the words forming in the mind of many of the faithful, “We’re people of faith, not fear. We are not to be anxious. Just trust. What is there to worry about if God is with us?” Anxiety, it would seem is a sign of week faith; a lack of trust in God.

I believe, in most cases, these comments come from a desire to do good, but I often wonder if the people who say them truly believe them. I also wonder what God thinks when we dismiss a person’s real feelings, and when we imply that those feelings are a sign of spiritual weakness.

I lost a close friend in a tragic car accident while in college, and I was given an opportunity to speak at her funeral. A few moments before the service began, I met with the pastor who told me, “I don’t want anything negative or sad. This is a celebration of her life and of her continued life with God.” I did, and do, celebrate her life, and I find comfort in her place with God. None of that made my heart hurt any less. I spoke a few words that celebrated our friendship, but inside, I was hurting and suddenly, very angry.

Too often, Christians try to live in a state of denial, or try to make others live that way. I wonder why it is so difficult for us to make room for human emotion. I wonder why we want to quickly make it all better. That approach doesn’t make much sense in light of Scripture. We hear lament in the voices of many of the faithful ancients. Numerous psalms are filled with a heart of brokenness, fear, and anxiety. There is even an entire book of Lamentations. Why are we surprised when people express those feelings now?

I know the texts we love to quote, and yes I believe they are truth, but I also believe that God knows our hearts, and the way to bring us healing and peace. Sometimes, that way is through hard emotions.

I often think of Jesus in his final hours, praying in the garden, crying out to God, so emotional he was sweating drops of blood. Clearly, he felt the flood of human emotion. Then my sarcasm kicks in and I think, “I wonder if his disciples reminded him that all things work together for good; that we are to be anxious for nothing; that God has everything under control…” Is that what Jesus needed, or did he need his friends to wait with him while he struggled.

I am not mocking the Scripture, nor it’s power to speak hope in despair, peace in anxiety, and life in death. I do wonder if that power is made more manifest when we can speak the truth about where our heart is, or say what we really feel. We don’t have to stay in our anxious feelings, but we should be honest about where we are.

So yes, I am anxious. Moment by moment, I put that anxiety into God’s hands. Slowly, I surrender it and find slightly more peace filling those spaces. Piece by piece, God uses my weakness to demonstrate divine strength and renew my spirit. God does not deny my feelings, but offers to take that load from me and replace it with something light and beautiful. Sometimes, it is instantaneous, other times it is a process. I can be filled with anxiety and still be faithful. So can you. You do not need to deny your feelings. God will meet you in the midst of them, sit with you in your struggle, then take your hand and guide your steps forward.

Our circumstances may create anxiety, but our God creates faith and hope. In the end, the Master Creator makes all things new. This is where we find faith in the middle of our fear.