Today, is a day for love. That’s the way it is explained, anyway. Valentine’s Day is billed as a time to celebrate love and those in love. In spite of its historic foundations, it is a nice sentiment, but sentiment is part of the challenge.

It is far too easy to substitute sentimentality for real love. Numerous people will be making stops today to grab something fast so they have a gift for the one they love. It will be one more thing to check off of the daily action list, or even delegate to someone else. A token and a card and everything will be covered for another year, but is that what love looks like? Can love be reduced to a gift, a dinner, or a card?

Several years ago, I asked a man I knew if he was ready for Valentine’s Day. He responded, “I don’t participate in that. Once you start, they come to expect it.” I suggested that was a little harsh and he silenced me by saying, “If my wife doesn’t know that I love her every day, then a gift doesn’t help, and I am failing to do what I should do.”

There is certainly nothing wrong with celebrating today, and nothing wrong with sharing expressions of our love, but if we reduce love down to a heartwarming verse or a fancy dinner, we are missing the point. Real love is an investment. It is sacrificial, and can never be relegated to a few kind expressions. Love requires work, and sometimes, the work is hard.

Often, when I perform a wedding ceremony, I am asked to include a reading from 1 Corinthians 13, the love chapter. It is an appropriate passage, but it is not just for weddings. It is the definition of what real love looks like. Consider these words once again:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

Love like this takes effort. It is an intentional action, not a sentimental feeling. Love puts the other first. It patiently cares and easily forgives. Love believes in the possibilities of what is yet to come and presses on until those possibilities become reality. Love does not find pleasure in self-seeking, but in the truth. Love does the hard thing and expresses itself in integrity. This real love is so much more than making someone feel good. Instead, it is a deep desire to help someone experience goodness.

So, on this day when we celebrate love, give the chocolates, flowers, and cards. Enjoy a dinner out. Tell the people that matter that you love them. Then, after the symbols are shared and the sentiment expressed, choose to actually love. Be deliberate, persistent, and hopeful. Resolve to love with intent and integrity every day. Rejoice in the truth as you humbly consider others ahead of yourself, and always remember, “Love never fails.” (13:8)