I remember the first time my son said he hated me.

Our family went shopping at a large superstore. My wife and daughters were looking for clothes, and our son was not interested. I suggested we wander through the sporting goods section. As we looked around, I realized he was standing transfixed, staring into the display case. “Daddy,” he said, “I found a knife I want.”

Recently, he received his first pocket knife. He was excited, and diligent to show his responsibility with the new tool. I smiled at his new interest and made my way to the case to see what caught his eye. Before I could look, he began presenting a well-crafted rationale. He was responsible. He could use this new knife in so many ways. He liked it. He loved it. He needed it.

My eyes trailed down his arm, beyond his pointing finger, to find a knife that was something just short of a machete. I tried to point out that there typically isn’t much need for a knife that big, and that it might be a little too much for him at his age, but he was insistent, “Please daddy, let me have it!”

I love my son and want him to be happy. I could see how much this meant to him, but I could also see the dangers he could not envision. I wanted to follow my emotions and bless him. I wanted to affirm him and his responsibility. I wanted to say, “yes.” Yet, pushing my sentimental thoughts aside, I did the loving, reasonable thing, the hard thing, and told him, “no.”

Immediately, the tears began to flow from his eyes, followed by proclamations of my lack of faith in him, and lack of love for him. Then, in the middle of the sporting goods section, he looked at me and said, “I hate you! You won’t let me have what I want! You don’t love me!”

I tried to explain, but it didn’t help. I restricted his desires and he was convinced it was a sign of my lack of love for him. Telling him, “no,” was nothing short of condemnation in his eyes. My love for him did not waver, nor did my position, even though my heart broke for his pain. I loved him too much to see him get hurt, or hurt someone else.

We returned to the rest of our family. He was wounded and angry, and I still felt the sting of pain that real love brings.

In the last two blog posts, we looked at love and truth. Both are important. Both are parts of the heart of God Jesus came to reveal, parts of what he taught, and parts of how we are called to live. Walking in truth and love is central to our faith, but it can be a painful journey.

When we move beyond mere sentimentality, we love people enough to speak the truth, even when it hurts. Our love is not judgement, nor should it be. It is, however, a love that values their wellbeing over their comfort, and over our sense of affirmation. Real love does the hard thing, even when it hurts, with the knowledge that the truth is always more valuable than temporary pleasure.

In Jesus’ prayer for his disciples, the church, and for the world, he pleaded, “Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth.” (John 17:17). It was his passion that we would love God, one another, and the world with truth. In fact, truth is actually a sign of real love and concern.

Recently, I went to see my doctor. He challenged some of my life choices because of the impact they have on my health. I did not want to hear his words, and I don’t particularly want to change, but I know that he cares about me. His words were not meant to harm, but to heal. He was not judging me, but helping me. I would seriously question his care if he put my comfort ahead of my health. I can choose to ignore his counsel, but I put myself at risk if I do. His guidance was not judgment. It was about wise, truthful discernment.

It is never easy to speak the truth in love, but real compassion does it anyway, because we live in integrity, and because we truly love others.

It took a while for my son to get over the pain of that day in sporting goods. He laughs about it now, but it took a lot of time and maturity to get to that place. However, I still remember how hard it was to love him enough to say, “no.” I remember the pain of knowing he saw my love as judgement, and of watching him suffer because of it. I wish it was different, but I do not regret my decision. I love him too much to put him at risk to make him feel good, and I love others enough not to do that to them.

Real love, truthful love, “does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.” That is the love of Jesus, and it should be our love as well.

The post Love and Truth appeared first on Thinking Faith Cafe.

I once thought
happiness came in packages
with dollar signs attached.
Quantity mattered more
than quality, unless
a name gave you status.
I wanted more because
peace had a shelf life.
Some, new thing was always
ready to be my source of joy
and self-worth.
Love had a price,
contentment a cost.
It was exhausting.

Imagine the joy
discovered in revelation;
a knowledge of life
currency cannot capture.
Delivered from a second master,
peace saturates each day.
Consumer captivity’s weakened grip,
frees me to the divine quest,
incorruptible treasures:
relationships, memories, and
moments of love.
This is abundant life.

The post Happiness appeared first on Thinking Faith Cafe.

Twenty-seven years ago, I awoke in a Pittsburgh hotel a married man. The previous day was a flurry of activity leading up to our wedding, and after celebrating with family and friends, and making time to visit a few of our relatives who could not come to the ceremony, my wife and I set off to begin our honeymoon and our new life together. We did not know all that was ahead of us, but we knew that God brought us together, that we loved each other and that we were committed to sharing the journey as one.

The days and years since have been an amazing adventure. We went to college together, traveled through the ordination process, served in ministry, became parents and now grandparents. There were times of sickness and health, times that were better and worse, and certainly lean times as well as prosperous times. Just as our vows declared, there were challenges and celebrations, but through it all, we had each other and we had God.

I know some people are called to singleness, and that sometimes relationships break, but I also know, that following God’s plan leads to the blessings that really matter. When the author of the proverb says that the one who, “finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.” I can say that it is undeniably true in my life. Looking back, I cannot imagine traveling this path without the woman God chose for me. I know that the hard times were made better because of her presence and good times were all the sweeter because they were shared with her. There is no question I receive God’s favor through my relationship with her.

Relationships can be challenging, but they are also the source of great blessing. Too often, I meet with couples who have lost sight of the blessing of God found in each other. The challenges and obstacles of life slowly drained the joy from them and instead of joining hands and hearts together; facing those challenges with love, commitment and the power of God, they allowed them to come between them. Then, wounded from without and within, the life of their relationship slowly faded. We too, have been through the valleys. We felt the pains of life, and we wounded each other, but we never completely lost sight of the blessing of God found in each other.

The places of God’s blessing are like that. They will be tested and tried, and it takes great effort to remain committed to overcome the temptation to walk, and even run away. It is easy to lose sight of how blessed we are, and in the midst of pain, we can even feel like the source of our blessing is the source of our pain. If we remain committed to God and to God’s work in our lives, and if we will keep the faith even when it is hard, we will be able to look back and see the provision and blessing of God, and we will walk into the future with greater strength and promise. When my wife counsel other couples, we tell them that marriage is a tough job, but worth all of the effort. Walking with God is like that. It is not always easy, but it is definitely worth it. The richness of my life found in my relationship with God and with my wife is worth so much more than the investment I have made. I look forward to the joy of the next 27 years together and beyond.

Take a moment to look at the blessings of God in your life, especially in your relationships. Tend to those special places, even if it is difficult. Do not let them be overcome by life’s challenges, but find strength in them to be the one who overcomes. Make the investment in your relationships, with God and in the places created for your blessing, so that you will receive favor from the Lord and be blessed.

The post A Good, God Thing appeared first on Thinking Faith Cafe.

Recently, I sat with another pastor who I just met. We were sharing ministry stories, especially discussing our favorite authors and resources. The conversation moved to our sources of inspiration and we began to talk about what motivates us, not only for ministry, but for living the Christian life.

My new friend told me of someone he knew. This person had been through the fire in many ways and certainly had reason to be depressed and discouraged, yet I heard how infectious his joy was and about the impact his happiness had on others. My colleague said to me, “How many pastors do you know, who in their 40’s and 50’s became bitter because of the many wounds they took in ministry? Yet, here is a man who had every reason to feel bitter and he was full of the joy of Christ instead.”

Since that conversation, I continue to reflect on where real happiness comes from. Too many times it seems we connect our happiness with someone or something else. A challenge comes along and we become unhappy. Someone hurts us or speaks against us and we lose our joy. An unexpected event comes along and we throw away our happiness, exchanging it for fear, frustration and anger. Because we tie our happiness to changing and transitory things, our joy is tossed to and fro by every little wave that comes along.

Jesus said, “In this life you will have trouble.” (John 16:33) We should not be surprised by obstacles and opposition, nor should we lose heart in the face of these challenges. Rather, we should hold fast to Christ, celebrate his presence and believe in where his Spirit is leading us, for he also said, “take heart. I have overcome the world.” When our happiness is connected to God, the One who is the same yesterday, today and forever, our joy can be God’s joy and it can remain unwavering in the face of adversity.

One of my favorite verses comes from Psalm 34:19, “Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all.” What an amazing promise! It does not deny the reality of our human struggle, but reminds us that, in spite of our challenges, our hope is in the Lord. We may feel overwhelmed, but God is not. There is no terror or timidity in heaven today, no question of what to do. God is seated on the throne and speaking forth the creation of life.

What, then, does it take to be happy? Our answer is found, not in external things, but in an unwavering trust in the Lord of Life. We do not look to our circumstances to determine our attitude. We do not look to the opinions of others to determine the state of our soul. We look to Jesus, the Author and Perfector of our faith. With our soul at rest in him, we can find unspeakable joy.

Life is too short to be unhappy, especially when the joy of the Lord can be our strength. May our faith rise up and give us joy today as we hold fast to God and know that, in him, we will not be moved.

The post Be Happy appeared first on Thinking Faith Cafe.

As the bride and groom stood before the pastor, they shared personal words as well as the traditional vows. They shared their hearts openly, gave themselves willingly and received each other joyfully. The words, the actions and the attitudes were all powerful, but they were clearly the result of a long journey together. This was not the act of two people who just met each other, but was an expression of the life they shared together to get to this point, and their intention to continue together on the path.

Relationships develop. They take time and energy to build. Lasting, meaningful relationships require a significant investment. There are no cheap shortcuts, no magical methods. There is only the commitment to embrace each other and face life together. Serious relationships cost us something. The more important they are, the more they demand of us.

This is not only true of marriages and families, but it is especially true in our walk with God. A meaningful relationship with God does not come from an occasional visit or a little effort. That is the definition of dating. A real relationship with Christ, one with depth and significance is forged with deep commitment and shared experiences. It is built out of a passionate desire to be together, to love each other, and is the culmination of multitudes of moments, big and small, shared with one another. Walking through challenges and valleys with Jesus draws us closer to him. Facing new possibilities that stretch us inspires deeper trust in his provisions. Even, maybe even especially, the accumulation of the mundane moments that make up every day life, when shared with our Savior, become a shaping influence on our relationship.

Real relationships cost us, but they are worth the cost. During the service, I took my wife’s hand. I thought about how thankful I was to be there with her and how blessed I am to be her husband. I know our relationship has required a big investment from both of us over the past 26 years, but it is worth it. There is no one who knows me like she does and no one I know like I know her, and no one I would rather be with at a wedding, on a date, or simply sitting with in the family room. Our friends will face big investments too, but it will be worth it for them as well, just as it was for us. It is that way for each of us in our relationship with God as well.

As we worship today, we give ourselves to God. We pour out our lives believing that God will pour his life into us. The relationship we share cost Christ everything, yet he believed it was worth it. It is worth it for us to do the same. May today be a day of new beginnings in the depth and meaning of our relationship with him, as we celebrate where we’ve been together and where we are going.

The post Costly Relationships appeared first on Thinking Faith Cafe.

It is not that I cannot live without my technology, though I do have a bit of withdrawal when I step away for a while. The real issue is the ability to connect with people I know and love. I am accustomed to hearing the news of their lives on Facebook and Twitter. Interacting with friends and colleagues by email is commonplace, and the ubiquitous cell phone makes instant connection a daily reality. I even have Skype connections with friends in several other countries, allowing me to video chat with them whenever I like.

This is not only my life, it is the way many, if not most of us keep and maintain relationships. We are part of a very connected world and those connections continue to grow. We understand the need for those connections yet, we can all too easily miss the value of real, deep relationships. We can be so busy with all of our activities, that we neglect the most valuable connections in our lives.

Not long ago, I watched two high school students visit the coffee shop I frequent. They purchased their drinks, sat at a nearby table, then pulled out their cell phones and proceeded to text for the next hour. They rarely spoke to each other. They were so busy with their connectedness, they missed the relationship that was literally right in front of them.

It is easy to sacrifice our most significant relationships, with the busyness of life, even the parts that seem to bring us closer together. We can be so involved that we neglect our relationship with good friends, with family, and even with God. Slowly, we step away from being together and before long we moved further than we ever expected, and sometimes, we don’t even know we moved.

The writer of Hebrews remembered the value of staying connected. In the tenth chapter, we find these important words, “Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another – and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” (10:25) There is something powerfully important about meeting together, about building real, meaningful relationships. We need God, and we need each other.

We’ve probably all heard the guilt-laden arguments for being in Church and for taking more time with God, as if the litmus test of a healthy spirituality is how busy we are with religious activity. Such thoughts are a real shame, because they hide the deeper reason for making time for these relationships. It is not for duty’s sake that we gather, nor are we trying to avoid guilt. Instead, we make time for God and one another because it is good for us to do so. It is good for our personal wellbeing, it is good for the community of faith, and it is good for the world. When we are properly grounded in the relationships that matter, we can be our best for ourselves and others we meet along the way.

Like so many other choices we make to live healthy lives, taking time to stay spiritually connected is important. I encourage you to prayerfully consider whether or not your choices truly nourish your soul, and in turn, the lives of others. I know I need to do this on a regular basis to be sure that I do not substitute what is good for what is best. Make time for the people and things that really matter, and may we all be blessed as we celebrate our connection with one another.

The post Stay Connected appeared first on Thinking Faith Cafe.

I’ve spoken to a number of men who shared how they waited until they were in their 50’s or older before hearing their fathers say they were proud of them. Many never heard those words at all. I can only imagine the similarities that exist for women. All of us need that affirmation.

I remember how, shortly after we adopted our children, we would occasionally be asked, “do you love us as much as if we were your own children?”

“You are our own children,” we would respond.

“You know what we mean,” they would say, “do you love us the same as if we were born to you?”

You can hear in those heartfelt words the deep question, “are we wanted and loved? Do we really belong?” To that deep and meaningful question we would answer, “Yes, we love you the same, maybe even more, because we chose you.”

Our children did not come to us by biology, they came by choice. We wanted them to be our children and for us to be their parents. We loved them and wanted to share our lives with them. There was no question in our minds they were wanted. We did whatever it took, met every requirement to have them become our family.

In the Apostle Paul’s letter to the Ephesians, he reminds his readers that God, “chose us in Christ before the foundation of the world… He destined us for adoption as his children through Jesus Christ, according to the good pleasure of his will.” (1:4-5)

God chose us. God wants us. Even before the world was formed, God desired and chose us to be in relationship with him. It was God’s pleasure, desire and will for us to be adopted into God’s family. We matter. We have value. We belong. If you asked God if you are loved, you would hear the words, “of course, that is why I chose you.”

There has never been a day when my wife and I regretted our decision. In fact, it is one of the best decisions we ever made, right up there with our decision to follow Christ and our decision to marry one another. Our family has its challenges like all families, but there was never any doubt that we loved our children, that they were precious, and that they were wanted.

Likwise, there is no doubt that God loves us. We too, are precious in his sight and we are wanted. It was God’s plan from the very beginning to include us in the family and to share the work of ministry together. When the King of kings and Lord of Lords, the Creator of the ends of the earth declares that from the beginning of time you were wanted, you can be sure you are valuable.

We need to be reminded how much God loves and desires us. We should rejoice in the amazing passion of God to share life in relationship with us, and then, we should go to share that good news with others. The people we meet every day need to know God loves them, that God was, and is willing to do all that is necessary to have a relationship with them. We need to tell the waitress that is working too hard, the single parent trying to hold it together, the person who feels abandoned and everyone like them, that God chose them from the beginning.

Be blessed in the knowledge of how greatly you are loved, may you be a blessing as you share that love, brought through Jesus Christ, as broadly as you can.

The post You’re Wanted appeared first on Thinking Faith Cafe.

When we speak of worship, beyond our Christian conversations, we easily equate the action to deep emotion and value. “I worship the ground she walks on,” we say, and we know that we are sharing how deeply we feel toward that person we love. To say such a thing is an expression of profound love, appreciation and desire. It is the nature of worship to evoke and respond to these rich feelings and thoughts.

Strangely, this is not always the definition of worship within the walls of the church. We speak of worship as an event, a time when we gather with other Christians to sing, pray and listen to the weekly sermon. Often there is a sense of duty attached to the experience, “I have to go to worship,” and careful listeners will hear the implied words, “but I don’t have to like it.”

Sometimes, worship is defined by our preferences and desires. “I really didn’t like worship today. It didn’t move me. I just wasn’t feeling it.” We are disappointed if we don’t know the hymns and frustrated if the experience goes too long. Instead of extravagance of worship, there is a sense of meagerness in spirit.

In the opening of Chapter 12 of John’s Gospel, we find Jesus at Bethany, the place where Lazarus lived. There is a dinner party being given in Jesus’ honor and people we gathered for the event. Suddenly, Mary brings roughly a pint of expensive perfume and begins to pour it on Jesus’ feet, wiping it with her hair. The Bible adds, “and the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume.”

Jesus was blessed, but not everyone saw a blessing. For others, it was too extravagant an action. It was a poor use of an expensive perfume. Why, it could have been sold and the money given to the poor. In short, this precious gift of perfume and of Mary’s heart was seen as a “waste.”

But, Jesus didn’t think so. To him it was deeply profound. It showed the great love and devotion in Mary’s heart. It was an extravagant act. It was worship. The party was in Jesus’ honor, but it was Mary who chose to bring him worship.

When we gather together in worship services. It is not primarily to get our needs met. It is not really about our preferences and desires. Nor is it meant to be a duty, an obligatory gathering to “get through.” No, it is an opportunity to share our deep love for God, to offer what we have in pure abandonment to the One we love. It is a time to give ourselves in extravagant expressions of love that can, in their own way, fill the house with the fragrance of the perfume of worship.

As we gather today, and in the days to come. We need to remember that worship is an action. It is so much more than the name of an event. It is an opportunity to pour out our love for God and to receive God’s love in return.

Mary surely heard the critical words as she offered her gift, but she also heard the words of Jesus himself when he affirmed her and her actions; when he made it clear how much he was blessed by her extravagant worship. Don’t we want to hear the same thing? What blessing it would be to know that our actions, our gift of our very selves touched and moved the heart of God.

May we worship expectantly and extravagantly as we offer what we have to God and receive the blessing that comes from truly doing so.

The post Extravagant Worship appeared first on Thinking Faith Cafe.

In one of his more challenging questions, Jesus asked his disciples, “But what about you? Who do you say that I am?” (Mark 8:29) It was a very pointed question and Jesus was not looking for them to parrot back what he previously told them. He wanted to know who they truly believed he was, because that belief would shape their future understanding and their actions. Their beliefs about Jesus would affect their relationship with Jesus, and that would make all the difference.

The question was not just for the disciples. It is an important question for the followers of Christ today as well. How we answer the question, “Who is Jesus?” will affect our relationship with him and with his Gospel. In turn, it will shape our journey of faith, our ministry with others and ultimately, our destiny.

Last Sunday, our Minister of College Ministries preached a sermon on this question and I continue to reflect on it. Who do I really believe Jesus is? The issue is not what did my parents teach me to believe, nor is it what was I told in Sunday School or even seminary. The question is, who has the Holy Spirit revealed Jesus Christ to be through the Scripture and through my relationship with him.

In response, I could simply quote a creed, or offer up the “official” answer to the question and, while these would be fine and meaningful responses. I would like to offer my response from another source of ancient words that speaks volumes. In this simple, yet profound Celtic prayer is a declaration of who Jesus is that resonates deeply in me. It does not replace the classical response that, “Jesus is the Christ, the Son of the Living God.” Instead, it builds on this truth and gives room to ponder the greatness of Christ in every facet of our lives. May these words bless you as they continue to bless me.

You are the peace of all things calm
You are the place to hide from harm
You are the light that shines in dark
You are the heart’s eternal spark
You are the door that’s open wide
You are the guest who waits inside
You are the stranger at the door
You are the calling of the poor
You are my Lord and with me from ill
You are the light, the truth, the way
You are my Saviour this very day.

Celtic oral tradition – 1st millennium

The post You Are appeared first on Thinking Faith Cafe.

I remember when there was no instant messaging, texting, or email. It was a time when a letter could arrive on my desk, sit for a day or two before a read it, be mailed by the end of the week and I was considered prompt. Now, I occasionally get phone calls in the early afternoon wondering why I did not respond to the email sent to me at 11:00 a.m. that morning. People with crises message me on Facebook and are shocked that I am not constantly aware of what is happening there. It is a different world.

Don’t get me wrong, I love technology. We live in an exciting time full of possibilities others could only dream of. My productivity is greatly enhanced by the ease and accessibility of my iPad and computers and I find great pleasure in reading ebooks on my reader. I just recognize that there are times it is good to unplug.

As the effects of a busy Easter season, vacation, and a myriad of work and family obligations made there impact on my life, it became obvious that I needed time, time away from busyness to refresh and offer my best to my family and the ministry. I chose to unplug and seek some renewal. I thank all you, my followers, for your patience during this season. My family and church thank you too. As a result of the time away, I feel more energized in my relationships, my ministry and my writing. I look forward to sharing this experience with you.

As I return to my regular posts, let me encourage you to be attentive to you time and the rhythms of your life as well. don’t be afraid to step away from the computer, turn off the cell phone, or even leave your email in the inbox for a bit while you enjoy time with family, friends and God. Technology blesses our lives, but it does not own them and sometimes an electronic fast can do you good.

The post It’s About Time appeared first on Thinking Faith Cafe.